I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
