I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
