If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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