I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
