garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
