You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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