yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
