it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
