So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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