i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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