If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
