Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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