Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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