i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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