you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
