this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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