forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
