did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
