there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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