I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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