It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
