I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
