whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
