i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
