nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
