ya dads aren't the best wingmen
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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