This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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