Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
