so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Vodka?
Forever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
