I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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