lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
