i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it glows. i had to have it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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