the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
