Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
