im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
