Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
