its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
