my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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