Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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