Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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