i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
