I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
