dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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