i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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