i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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