last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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