Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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