i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I pour the whiskey from now on
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
