Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
