wakey wakey hands off snakey
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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