but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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