She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
