Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
