Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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