I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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