is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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